survivinglife

As you could probably tell, I have been getting off on a tangent lately, but I actually want to talk about the human side of things; relationships, marriage, family, kids, just living. 

I have been married for 19 years to a wonderful man.  We have two kids, one boy, and one girl.  After our second child, I told my husband, “you have one of each, you can’t get any different, you’re done.”  What do you know, I didn’t get pregnant again.  Just to let you know, I was on the pill for the first one, and he used protection for the second, that night he said “it broke”, and I said, “I’m pregnant”. 

My husband and I are different in a lot of ways, and many people wonder how we ever got together in the first place.  Well, we spent the first month just talking.  He was “safe”, he was engaged to another, and I was working 3 jobs, and had just ended one relationship because I didn’t have the time, or want to take the time to be in a relationship.  When we did move forward in our friendship, there were some guide lines that were laid down.  Now I’ve talked to some people, and they have actually told me that to set down “rules” at the beginning of a relationship is wrong.  What is so wrong about being honest with your significant other, and letting them know what you need or expect, and getting the same from them?  We each had things that were important to us, and if there was something that we weren’t sure about, we would break it down, and discuss it further, and we were able to come to a mutual agreement.  Now yes, there are some things that either of us were black and white on, but with open, calm communication, we actually figured out that we didn’t really have that different of views, and that we could understand and accept the other’s opinion on those issues that were looked at in black and white.

One of the first rules that we talked about, was communication, how to argue, to be exact.

We made it clear that no matter what the circumstances, name calling was never allowed.  We also agreed that if we were upset about something, it would be taken care of right then, or as soon as appropriate in certain cases.  But that either of us could approach the other with our grievances, and not feel threatened, or that we would be put down because we felt what ever way.  We also agreed that we could not keep bringing up things done in the past that we moved on from anyway.  We couldn’t hold something over the other’s head forever.  If we argued through it, and moved on, then we had to move on, and forgive, and forget about it.  How can any relationship move forward and grow when the people in it, won’t let the past mistakes just die.  They are done and over with, you have fought about them (or at least talked them through), came to a mutual arrangement, whether it be “don’t let it happen again”, or “ok, now I understand, but it hurt, please don’t anymore”, what ever the arrangement, it was achieved, move on.  Too many people like to hold on to their hurt and anger, and use it against the other person, they want to make them hurt or feel just as bad as they did.  When that happens, no one wins, both parties always hurt, and no one can move forward.  If no one can move forward, the relationship stagnates, and eventually dies, usually with a lot of anger and hurt feelings.