survivinglife

Your spouse is working through their addiction, they have gone through treatment, AA, and whatever else they have been ordered to do, or felt that they should go through to regain control of their life.  Now what?  Where does the relationship stand, and most of all, where do you fit in with all of this? 

This can be a very confusing, tumultuous time for all involved.  First and for most, you must remember that their addiction is not your fault, no matter what they may say, or try to get you to believe.  They took the first step; they made their decision all on their own. Granted, circumstances beyond anyone’s control may have played a part, but they still took the initial step toward their addiction.  Second, just as you did not make them an addict, you can not fix them; you cannot make them not be an addict. 

So how do you get your relationship to survive?  Remember, it takes two to make a relationship.  Both parties need to want the relationship to continue.  Open, honest communication is extremely important at this time.  You may not be able to fix the other person, but you can listen, and you can try to understand what they were feeling and going through that led them to their addiction.  If you want the relationship to survive, you must also show support.  Let them know that their feelings are valid, and that as a team, you can work through anything. 

You also need to realize that addiction is not a black and white issue.  A person doesn’t go through treatment and such and never ever have a relapse; this line of thinking is just setting everyone up for failure.  Also, be aware of what your needs are as well as theirs, there are plenty of organizations around that offer counseling and help for spouses and family members of addicts.  Realize, though, that sometimes these organizations might not be the right choice for your situation. 

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