Feb 20 2009
Friends of a Gender?
Should couples only have friends of the same sex while they are in a committed relationship? (Men have only male friends, women have only female friends.)
First, why would you want to “get rid of” friends of the opposite sex that you may have had for more years than you’ve know your current partner? Are your friends so disposable, that you can send them out of your life just because you are now involved with someone new? And, do you think that since you now won’t have any friends of the opposite sex, that there will not be any chance of an affair? This whole line of thinking is preposterous. I would expect to see this type of thinking in high school kids, not grown adults.
Second, let’s understand that affairs do not happen because you have friends that are of the opposite sex. Affairs happen because one partner feels that they are not getting what they need out of the relationship. Whether it is communication, intimacy, or maybe just the fact that they feel trapped or confined. It doesn’t matter what gender your friends are, if your partner is not feeling wanted and fulfilled, the chance of an affair increases dramatically.
We can’t blame anyone but the two in the relationship when problems arise. Usually there are more underlying problems than the one that blows everything open. Open, honest communication and a lot of hard work is what can make relationships survive, no matter what gender of friends either partner has.
Agreed. It can be a sign of control issues, it can also be self esteem issues. Of course, a lot of times, bad self esteem brings about bad behavior like controling and abusiveness.
Thank you for your comments
That is ridiculous to even think that you should consider the gender while choosing friends. Relationships are all about trust and if one does not have that trust factor it is better not to go for a relationship at all.
Hi anamika
thank you for your comment
Yeah right! I would have told my husband where to go on that one for sure. I most certainly would not give up all my male friends because I am in a committed relationship, that would be totally unreasonable….. how would you even go about that just say look I know that we have been friends for 20 years and we know each other better then anyone and have always been able to rely on each other but I cant be your friend anymore because of the relationship I am in?
I think if you are faced with this there is something very very wrong with your relationship. My husband has female friends (some of which even dated long ago) and i expect and encourage him to maintain those friendships. If you cannot trust your spouse and vise versa your relationship is doomed whether you have friends of the opposite sex or not.